Chinese Alevels is finally over. Like i really mug chinese for this whole year. I do not have any comments for the paper, but i was pissed when my back starts to hurt when i want to sleep. Wasted brandon was sitting infornt of me, if he was sitting behind me then he can massage me. Well i finally got to tear my first ever exam paper! Clap clap clap. Well i didnt stand on the chair, hahaha. Everyone stood up at the same time, so well heck it. No more chinese!! Hmm why i hate chinese so much? Haha. I mean i loved the subject, until this year. Oh well lets all blame the school!
After that we all went to Just Acia for lunch. Well im sort of tired of the place already. But well since its almost the whole class is going so just follow them. But i was so happy because theres like vanila and chocolate ice cream!
Oh yes im officially broke, and i spent all on food. I cant freaking believe it. Oh well at least im happy. Haha. After eating so much, i think i growing fat, like Loco Roco. Nevermind soccer on saturday!! Lets hope i dont get cramps after training on Saturday.
I still got PW, which is like a pain in the ass. Im like at holiday mode already, but still have to do it. And i completely forget about I&R, fuck it lar. Haha. OP is like next tuesday, and im memorising my script. And still have Q&A after the presentation. Damn!
Am i going to be happier? I dont want to be sad anymore, but its hard. I think i'll just take my time.
the rock show!
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{11:07 PM}
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Sunday, October 26, 2008
Gosh im so confused and troubled over stuff! I really dont know what to do now. Im feeling screw up, sad, angry and all the shit feeling. I got all sort of shit troubling me now, i just cant figure how to solve them all. This year has been really shit! From disappointing Olevel results to retaining. I dont really can remember any "Nice memory", all i can think of is all my grieve and sorrow. Well im not emo but im just reflecting, reflecting on how this year went. I so want this year to end as soon as possible. All these shit is killing me. In one of my earlier post, i hoped that this year will end in a high note. But i guess it wont.
I just want to die now. I figure out that maybe dying is the only way to escape from this shit forever. And i wont have to face anything forever too. Drinking dont solve my problems. But i still do it whenever i feel down. It just numbs my feeling and i kind of like it. Sometimes i wish i can talk to someone, but i just cant say everything out. Maybe its my nature to keep everything inside me. I may look perfectly fine outside, but inside its a different story.
Well its still early to make any New Year resolutions, but here's two 1) Die young, preferably by 18 2) Since im hoping to die young, im going to enjoy every second of my life
This is not an "emo" post! And im not feeling "emo" right now
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{8:22 PM}
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Wednesday, October 22, 2008
LADDIES AND GENTLEMEN!! Let me introduce to you guys this act cute girl, she is my jiejie, Ong Ying Ying. I have no idea why am i blogging about her, oh oh yes cause then she must blog a damn long post about me. Well i think by now, most of you will think this is going to be a very very very boring post, and will not hesitate to click on the "Close" button. Yes indeed this is going to be a very boring post, but i assure you guys im going to make it interesting as possible. If not then thats because my jiejie is too boring.
The first time i met my jiejie was during the KL trip, she was in my paintball team. Since im a shy boy, i didnt really tallk much to the girls. I mean come on im not that thick skin. Well anyway, she thinks im anti-social. OK so after the KL trip, i begin to go for dinner with them, and thats how i really know her and started to talk to her. So from then on, im not anti-social to her anymore.
So after like talking to her and stuff, suddenly she just call me "didi". She think she's damn cute. But actually cause im freaking one week younger than her. So because of that i became her "didi". Im not complaing here, i mean i enjoy being her "didi". She treats me well and i always wanted a sister.
My jiejie is damn cool, what i say on my blog or like when talking, its always what she feels and want to say. Im like reading her mind. Im good! And we sort of have the some thinking and stuff, seems like we are twins. But luckily we're not, cause i dont want to look like her. Haha. And jiejie is always there for me!!
Well you guys might be wondering why is she posing with Yakult. Its because during training on Saturday i sweep the ball to her feet. And her ankle hurts like crap. Yeah so i have to treat her yakult. Abit no link, but nevermind.
No matter what, i love this small girl. Cause she's my jiejie. PS: I must invite her for my wedding dinner. And this thick skin girl wants to sit at the VIP seats. However due to the economic recession, im going to forget her as soon as possible, i need to save as much money as possible. Probably having pot luck for wedding dinner, saves loads of money.
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{11:05 PM}
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Sunday, October 19, 2008
We're the new face of failure. Prettier and younger but not any better off
I've failed! As you all can see from the quote above. I dont know how to phrase it and stuff, but i've got to face it sooner or later. Well people, im going to retain. 18 rank points, which is terrible. Though there's an improvement from my 9 points, but still it sucked like shit. I got 18 points partly due to something called moderation. So actually, i practically failed every subject except my languages.
It gets me so down down down
Thats how i fucking feel after i get back my result, and im still feeling down now. I've studied so hard for this promos and in the end all fail! You guys might be wondering and might even tell me that my study method is wrong. But i already know that after my CT, thats why i changed it. And why i know it works, because my tests have been improving. All this builds up my confidence. But after the papers, i realised that maybe im not going to make it. Prepaing myself to retain, but it still doesnt work. Knowing the fact that i put in so much effort, and in the end i still fail. This feeling sucks like crap, well not all of you guys might know how im feeling now. Maybe some of you guys had been in the same situation as me. Study super hard and in the end fail. Its super demoralising, it makes me feel like quiting school. Man whats the point study so hard but in the end still fail. Fuck it!
Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
Well after getting results, i dont have mood to do anything. And yes i feel like dying, really. Went home so that i can be alone. I wanted to drink, but then i feel like its not right to always drink when im feeling sad. Well its hard to talk to people, everyone around you are happy and stuff cause they promote. So i guess they dont understand how i feel and stuff. Im still feeling sad, down, angry, pissed off and demoralised. This feeling will not go away so easily. Maybe it might last forever.
Cry alone, ive gone away
Well im going to face this alone then.
So far away, im gone. Please dont follow me tonight. And while im gone, everything will be alright.
No matter what, im not going to promote via conditional promotion. Even though there is for me, i think its a curse in disguise. So guess i wont be in 08S25 next year, no matter what. Goodbye my friends. Months spend together with you guys made me enjoy JC, other then that i fucking hate SAJC. Those happy times spent together! Im sure going to miss fooling around with Bra, ponning lessons, listening to his ipod, sharing food and many many other stuff we do together. Well the F brothers are gone. No more going to school with rui xia, i guess the magic school bus is closing down too. Ok im just going to miss everybody. No more captains ball together, no more breakfast in macs, no more mass ponning. Everything will be gone for me.
Damn regret, i'll try to forget
Now i need to make up my mind, stay or go. I do not want to make another wrong decision that i'll regret. Coming to SAJC was the biggest regret so far, it was a fucking wrong decision that i regretted for months, and maybe years to come. So im not going to make another wrong decision, then my life will be full of regrets. Im not letting it to be that way. Im going to make this right, and im not going to regret. I really hope so. Well i got until January to think about it, but i think theres no need to rush. Im going to follow my gut feeling!
OK well i know you guess are guessing what are are those coloured phrases. Well they are all quotes from different songs. Well music is my mood my feeling, its my everything. I can relate to songs. I can feel the lyrics, the music played. I think music is one way to escape from all my sorrows and pain.
People always tell me this is part of the plan. That God's got everybody in his hands. But i can only pray that God is listening. Is he listening?
Sometimes i really wonder God exist. No offence here! But then from all my experience in life, everything seems so unfair. As if there is no justice in the end. Oh yes Christains please dont start your preaching here. No offence again. But things just makes me start wondering. Dont you guys all feel it too?
Yesterday was fun, met SAS buddies after training. Played soccer as usual, but was too tired to do anything. After that stoned here stoned there, the usual. Then decided to go to Ting's house to watched Chelsea vs Boro. Not a Chelsea fan, i really hoped that they lose. But hell no, they thrased Boro 5-0. Looking on the bright side, there were many goals. Ordered pizza, but not enough for 6 hungry boys. What was the hightlight of last night was not the game or the food. But the drink, oh yes vodka and barcadi. Man im in alcohol heaven! Poor cheney, few mouths and his dead! OK i know he's not drunk but his face was really red. Damn if Man U was playing he can be their mascott! Lets hope next week will be as fun.
Drinking is a damn expensive habit. A bottle of vodka cause like $6, and like i can finish it within a minute. $6 gone just like that! Talk about smoking, i think drinking is much more expensive. I think im going to be addicted already. Self-control, self-control!
Oh yes today is Jian birthday! Happy Birthday nut!! Once again all the celebration you guys organised i always got something on. Maybe its a curse. Like Alan birthday, i thought i have nothing on. But last minute my dad told me that its my grandma birthday. See its a freaking curse. Once again Happy Birthday Nut!!
Hey nans baby, cheer up ok? We both are in the same situation and facing the same problem. Yes i know theres more, but you just have to get through it, just like what you've said to me. And we'll get through it together. Im sure of that! But its the matter of time. And i guess you have to accept the reality, no escaping ok. Dont be like me. You will be fine, and i'll always be there for you. Cheer up!
Oh you too jiejie. Cheer up too. We are all in this together.
Here's a song for you two and everyone else who are feeling as shitty as us
Believe in yourself! =) We'll get through this together!!
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{9:15 PM}
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Sunday, October 12, 2008
Im sick! I got fever, headache, flu and muscle aches. All because xinxin passed it to me, haha. No complains here, i got to skip two trainings! But these few days was really hell, especially the first day when i was sick. I dont have energy to do anything, all i can do is to lie on the bed or sofa. What's worse was is that i have headache and my neck and back hurts from lying on the sofa. As you all think that this is already bad, i have my irritating brother bothering me the whole day. So imagine lying on the bed for three days, doing nothing. Sometimes i dont even feel like sleeping, but have no chioce, need to be on the bed. I think the medicine is not working at all, i still have my headache now, as im typing. And i think i still have slight fever in the morning. My neck and shoulder is killing me, oh please please chop it off.
Getting back promos result on Thursday, i've got mix feelings now. One part of me feels like shit, cause i know im not going to do well for promos. But another side feels like, "retain then retain lor". The results willl not really bother me much, i think. But what im afraid of is what my parents will say, after seeing my results? We'll just see on thursday.
I just realised that we are all living in a screwed up world. The effects of global warming is really obvious. And we can only blame ourselves for that. What about the financial crisis? Will this be the next Great Depression? And what about wars? What's the use of fighting, does it solve problems?
But i got solutions to all problems! 1) Kill yourself to end all misery 2) If you are afraid of going to hell, get your worst enemy to kill you 3) Build a time machine and go back into time when everything is peaceful 4) Buy a one-way ticket to LaLa Land 5) Wait for Jesus to save us all!
lets all wake up from our nightmare someone show us the light no more pain, no more crying, no more bleeding
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{9:28 PM}
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Thursday, October 9, 2008
Happy neoneo?? Haha. Past few days have been not very productive. PW week is more like a Dota/PSP/wordsearch week. Actually its quite fun and relaxing, but until i have to do work. Besides doing I&R and WR, i've discovered my new talent: Driving! Yes im so talented in Burnout! Maybe i should quit school now and be a F1 driver. Tomorrow have this OP practice session. However i think its really too rush, we have like one day to do our slides, write our scripts and practice. No time!!
I need sleep! And i just love to sleep, maybe i should try to sleep the the whole day this weekend!
And here's a song by Fall Out Boy. Im quite addicted to it!
Oh yes i want to be a rockstar too!! I want to play in a band! Emergency Escape (sec4 class band) reunite?? Haha, maybe not....
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{12:12 AM}
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Sunday, October 5, 2008
Ants are like taking over my house!! There like loads of them appearing out of no where. And the source of their origin is still a mystery. But now they are taking over my laptop. Ants are appearing randomly from the screen, kepboard and speakers! Screw those antspapa's bed using the laptop and constanly killing the ants and flicking it on his bed.So now there are like dead or half dead ants on his bed! And now the frequency of ants appearing is 3 ants per minute.
Oh yes my cousin just came back from her honeymoon. She went to New Zealand! Thats like one the countries i want to visit!! Oh yes she brought back many sweets and chocolates! Yeah! Oh i want to visit Switzerland again! Yes i want to go backpack. Visit Europe and stuff! Rachel, Neoneo and Kevin!!! Remember dont forget we are going to backpack after my NS!!
Well i use to hate Fall Out Boy. But i guess after listening to "Beat It", now i find them nice! Ok not all their songs, but there are some of my favourites.
Come on papa! Please electric guitar! Maybe i should hypnotise my papa, and he can get me a guitar!! Maybe two or three! And maybe an ipod! Haha
Me and you, setting up a honeymoon. If i woke up next to you....
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{10:38 PM}
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Saturday, October 4, 2008
Yes!! Today is finally coming to an end. Training sucks, as usual, but i think today training pass super fast. But my back freaking hurts! I know its spoil already. I need a freaking massage. (*signal brandon and siu kiat to massage back). But this is only the beginning of my misery, there's still loads more training to come. Come on people, please try to injure me! Break my leg or hand or back or just anywhere! Seriously i do not have any mood and any shit to go for training, or play for SA. Who cares, maybe in 2 more weeks my wish might come true!!!
Anyway, didnt went to play soccer with the guys. My legs were really aching and i went to buy shoes. I've finally got my OWN pair of turf shoes. Im was really happy! Haha. No more using my brother's turf shoe without him knowing, or using Ram's shoe which is spoiling. And i also got a new pair of running shoes! My old pair has a big hole, which is kind of cute. And when my mum saw the condition of my shoe, she freaked out. And she freaking forbid me to wear the shoes to school!
Ok now i really need to buy my electric guitar! But my father is being a !**!@!@***!**!*@!. He keep saying see if i can promoted first. Screw you! It really pisses me off when he everytime say this. Its like no link to buying guitar. Promote or retain, what is it going to do with the guitar. Plus, im paying like 50% if it. So stop whinning and get me my freaking guitar, please.
Sometimes i really wonder why am i here in SAJC. Though i really regret coming here, but kudos to my class for making it abit worth while. Hmm i used to turn to hockey to destress and to escape from everything. But now i dont even want to go for trainings. It doesnt even help at all. Now need to find alternatives. I can always ask my ever creative brother for advices. Im sure he'll give me other alternatives.
Its so empty right now. I get pissed off and angry easily. Sometimes i really dont know what to say. Im super confused about stuff, troubled actually. I prefer to be left alone sometimes.
What's wrong with me?
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{10:18 PM}
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Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Today is like my favourite day, CHILDREN'S DAY!!!! But it kind of sucks cause im no longer a kiddy! It sucks cause it brings back good old memories of my childhood. OK maybe not, cause i admit im still childish. But hey! who's complaining. Still can remember those childish sec4 days, where we use to hide bags on dusty cupboards, poling people for no ggod reason. What about those mass tau poks? I still can remember Jian punched my balls. Not on purpose , but because that Dog pushed him from behind. Yeah and my fellow classmates did not sympathize, but they decided that it was a good oppurtunity to pole me. AHHHH good old days, now they are gone, but will always remain in my memory.
Cheers to all my friends!!
Anyway these two days i spend time alone with myself. Its been quite awhile since im alone slacking and doing nothing. I guess i will not have any moodswings, no more emo and ofcourse no more stress!!! Ok maybe just for these two days. But i really enjoy every second of it.
Well training, which i hate like fuck, is starting. No mood to play anymore. I really regret it. Its like one of the worst decision i ever made. I do not want to be here, i dont know why i'm here and i cant wait to get out of here. But im going to bear with it. I still got the company of Nic, Sean and Ting. Thats like the only bright side
Anyway, tomorrow we got ice skating. Not that excited, but qutie eager to try. Im gonna skate like a graceful swan!!
HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{10:52 PM}
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THE PHOTOGRAPHER
FONG wai =)
sajs sass sajc
1B 2B 3SA 4SA 08S25
I love guitar!
HOCKEY!!! IS MY LIFE
Dreams
Kick your ass
Win any hockey tournament
Become a better player
Get high
Live my life
