We're the new face of failure. Prettier and younger but not any better off
I've failed! As you all can see from the quote above. I dont know how to phrase it and stuff, but i've got to face it sooner or later. Well people, im going to retain. 18 rank points, which is terrible. Though there's an improvement from my 9 points, but still it sucked like shit. I got 18 points partly due to something called moderation. So actually, i practically failed every subject except my languages.
It gets me so down down down
Thats how i fucking feel after i get back my result, and im still feeling down now. I've studied so hard for this promos and in the end all fail! You guys might be wondering and might even tell me that my study method is wrong. But i already know that after my CT, thats why i changed it. And why i know it works, because my tests have been improving. All this builds up my confidence. But after the papers, i realised that maybe im not going to make it. Prepaing myself to retain, but it still doesnt work. Knowing the fact that i put in so much effort, and in the end i still fail. This feeling sucks like crap, well not all of you guys might know how im feeling now. Maybe some of you guys had been in the same situation as me. Study super hard and in the end fail. Its super demoralising, it makes me feel like quiting school. Man whats the point study so hard but in the end still fail. Fuck it!
Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
Well after getting results, i dont have mood to do anything. And yes i feel like dying, really. Went home so that i can be alone. I wanted to drink, but then i feel like its not right to always drink when im feeling sad. Well its hard to talk to people, everyone around you are happy and stuff cause they promote. So i guess they dont understand how i feel and stuff. Im still feeling sad, down, angry, pissed off and demoralised. This feeling will not go away so easily. Maybe it might last forever.
Cry alone, ive gone away
Well im going to face this alone then.
So far away, im gone. Please dont follow me tonight. And while im gone, everything will be alright.
No matter what, im not going to promote via conditional promotion. Even though there is for me, i think its a curse in disguise. So guess i wont be in 08S25 next year, no matter what. Goodbye my friends. Months spend together with you guys made me enjoy JC, other then that i fucking hate SAJC. Those happy times spent together! Im sure going to miss fooling around with Bra, ponning lessons, listening to his ipod, sharing food and many many other stuff we do together. Well the F brothers are gone. No more going to school with rui xia, i guess the magic school bus is closing down too. Ok im just going to miss everybody. No more captains ball together, no more breakfast in macs, no more mass ponning. Everything will be gone for me.
Damn regret, i'll try to forget
Now i need to make up my mind, stay or go. I do not want to make another wrong decision that i'll regret. Coming to SAJC was the biggest regret so far, it was a fucking wrong decision that i regretted for months, and maybe years to come. So im not going to make another wrong decision, then my life will be full of regrets. Im not letting it to be that way. Im going to make this right, and im not going to regret. I really hope so. Well i got until January to think about it, but i think theres no need to rush. Im going to follow my gut feeling!
OK well i know you guess are guessing what are are those coloured phrases. Well they are all quotes from different songs. Well music is my mood my feeling, its my everything. I can relate to songs. I can feel the lyrics, the music played. I think music is one way to escape from all my sorrows and pain.
People always tell me this is part of the plan. That God's got everybody in his hands. But i can only pray that God is listening. Is he listening?
Sometimes i really wonder God exist. No offence here! But then from all my experience in life, everything seems so unfair. As if there is no justice in the end. Oh yes Christains please dont start your preaching here. No offence again. But things just makes me start wondering. Dont you guys all feel it too?
Yesterday was fun, met SAS buddies after training. Played soccer as usual, but was too tired to do anything. After that stoned here stoned there, the usual. Then decided to go to Ting's house to watched Chelsea vs Boro. Not a Chelsea fan, i really hoped that they lose. But hell no, they thrased Boro 5-0. Looking on the bright side, there were many goals. Ordered pizza, but not enough for 6 hungry boys. What was the hightlight of last night was not the game or the food. But the drink, oh yes vodka and barcadi. Man im in alcohol heaven! Poor cheney, few mouths and his dead! OK i know he's not drunk but his face was really red. Damn if Man U was playing he can be their mascott! Lets hope next week will be as fun.
Drinking is a damn expensive habit. A bottle of vodka cause like $6, and like i can finish it within a minute. $6 gone just like that! Talk about smoking, i think drinking is much more expensive. I think im going to be addicted already. Self-control, self-control!
Oh yes today is Jian birthday! Happy Birthday nut!! Once again all the celebration you guys organised i always got something on. Maybe its a curse. Like Alan birthday, i thought i have nothing on. But last minute my dad told me that its my grandma birthday. See its a freaking curse. Once again Happy Birthday Nut!!
Hey nans baby, cheer up ok? We both are in the same situation and facing the same problem. Yes i know theres more, but you just have to get through it, just like what you've said to me. And we'll get through it together. Im sure of that! But its the matter of time. And i guess you have to accept the reality, no escaping ok. Dont be like me. You will be fine, and i'll always be there for you. Cheer up!
Oh you too jiejie. Cheer up too. We are all in this together.
Here's a song for you two and everyone else who are feeling as shitty as us
Believe in yourself! =) We'll get through this together!!
MEMORIES FADE.PICTURES WONT.{9:15 PM}
______________________________________________
THE PHOTOGRAPHER
FONG wai =)
sajs sass sajc
1B 2B 3SA 4SA 08S25
I love guitar!
HOCKEY!!! IS MY LIFE
Dreams
Kick your ass
Win any hockey tournament
Become a better player
Get high
Live my life
